Sports n shit

GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Jesus take the wheel!

I've come to one of two conclusions. Either blogging's hard, or i'm bad at it. It has to be the first one though because i'm awesome and I do awesome things, that's just a fact. Unfortunately no one came here to talk about me though, which is a damn shame, so lets get to the matter at hand.

With Football season kicking off(pun intended) and the FIFA world cup happening earlier in the year, aka poor people football, I feel like this is the perfect time to talk about today topic. Baseball hasn't been America's past time sense Lou Gehrig was known for anything other than crippling disease and attention whores pouring ice water over their heads. The land of the rising sun kamikazed all over that shit in retaliation to us bombing them and have been holding it hostage ever sense.

And we're not giving it back

ESPN can play all those bull shit "love of the game" commercials they want, they have no idea what real fans look like. The Japanese go ape shit over baseball, it's like church for them. There are rituals that take place at every game along with specific chants for players and events, and they all now them perfectly. The first game only game I went to I remember see a band section and remarking on how their uniforms didn't match. Turned out it was because that wasn't an official band. It was just a group of fans, who showed up with instruments, and were playing them together, perfectly. THE FUCK IS THAT! you don't get that shit any where else! Once again they some how match up perfectly with the rest of the fans who are all knocking tinny baseball bats together and chanting. Then during half time both teams mascots come out and do a little dance followed  by the home teams mascot(who happened to be the philly phanatic's japanese cousin?) firing the obligatory t-shirt cannon.....assisted by ninjas.

like all mythical creatures any photo has to be taken in the lowest resolution possible

And then they chant the Hiroshima Carp theme song, which if you don't learn the first time don't worry, it'll be popping up multiple times through a good Carp's game.

Key take away from this video is a nervous philley phanatic wear a Cincinati hat

But none of this compares to the creme de la creme, and that's the inflated condoms balloons. Walking up to the stadium you'll see everyone is selling these packs of balloons condoms, and at the end of the seventh everyone in the stadium blows these things up and starts chanting and waving them around like the big phallic symbol they are before releasing them into the air.

Insert foul ball joke here

They took baseball and Japanesed all over it, but all that aside they truly do have an intense love for the game. Try all you want though you can take the game out of America but you can't take the America out the game. 

I'm gona finish by leaving ya'll with this.

Pun totally intended. BOOM!!!!

                                               

Been to damn long

It's been to long.

Way to long as a matter of fact, and that's just not fair to all three of my readers. So what's new? Fuck if I know honestly. I mostly delayed blogging because a) my phone broke so I couldn't take cool food photos n shit, and deuce) I found the sudden need to for more anonymity, which i'm still working on, name might change. But that's not why I gathered you all here today, rights must be wrong and pictures of food must be posted, so if SOMEBODY would send me their mailing address we can execute the original idea and video people eating weird ass food ( more like weird ASS food, am I right?). Second most important thing for my remaining two readers, I finally did it, I finally got me some of that sweet sweet whale meat.

Look at that, shits classy as fuck. I also wasn't aware of how many different ways there are to prepare whale, I felt like I was talking to Forest Gump's even more retarded friend. Once again fuck PETA, there a bunch of terrorists any way. besides look at this face.

It's like he wants you to eat him.

I also set a new personal record at sushi go round, and subsequently offended several people with my bragging. Important life lessons to teach your kids, never make fun of anyone, even on the internet. Unless your using a fake name.

straight brunchin

Oh we brunchin!?!

Hell yea we brunchin!!!!!!

They thought it would be an idea to do help yourself mimosas, rookie mistake brunch people. Rookie mistake.

What's up. I've already been in Japan a week and have made it my personal goal to eat all sorts of animals that you don't come by in the states. There are a ton of good places to eat around here, even the fucking McDonald's taste better, seriously it does, McDonald.... The fuck man? Mostly though I've found myself eating at suchi go around places, single handily bringing about the seafood ragnorak, no  paraphyletic creature is safe (you can use words like that when you went to college).

  

One way track to my mouth

So we went to this particular sushi go round with one goal in mind. To eat whale, horse, and hopefully a dolphin while we were at it. PETA if your reading this I mostly did because I hate you, bunch of fucking terrorists.

I'm coming for that dog next

Bad news is we went to the wrong one for whale, good news is they had horse and another little surprise waiting to be had. Lets start with the horse, majestic creatures that they are. Now sense this was a suchi place it was essentially horse tartar that I ate, just as there are a thousand ways to skin a cat (also on the list) i'm sure there a thousand ways to cook a horse, but this is what I got.

My dinning companion for the evening had described it to me as chewy, personally I didn't think so, but it did have a sort of grass taste to it that made sense, but I that I wasn't really expecting. I'm also not sure if it was just how they treated it before but it wasn't as bloody as a cow. It was worth trying but I don't think I would ever go out of my way to have it raw again.

The other little guy that I got to eat was none other than the all knowing, all powerful, mantis shrimp. If you're sitting at you computer right now like "whaaaa?" then I need you to get you're shit together and educate you're self.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/mantis_shrimp

Don't worry I'll wait.

Down yet? No? Ok

Alright now that we have that cleared up, I got to eat one of those fuckers. (picture related, but only a little)

As soon as it was placed in front of me I could hear its making laughter, is it were saying "I will make you eating me as terrible and violent as my own death." Now these mothers were defiantly chewey, oh yes, and taste? You know that smell when you walk into the seafood section of the grocery store? imagine if they bottled that and could sprinkle it on you're food, and by sprinkle I mean DUMP IT ALL FUCKING OVER. That's what it tasted like. needless to say never again.

So I learned my lesson there, some things just aren't meant to be ate, but don't you worry your pretty little heads PETA I'ma find me some fucking dolphin, oh yes, and I'll eat it with a smile on my face. Because fuck you.

Chase Loves Brunch

It literally all started with brunch... 

The idea: We start a blog to keep in touch with Chase who has just left to Japan for two long years. But this isn't a just updates and corny we miss you stuff (Although we do miss chase very much), there is a twist that we thought up. 

The Twist: We send him updates on home, funny stories, and send him weird stuff from America. And Chase sends us updates on his time in Japan, and weird stuff from Japan. Now I haven't looked into the shipping costs to Japan, or from Japan to America or how long packages take to reach Japan, but if this works here is the deal. 

When we send Chase weird food he has to film himself trying it and vice versa, when Chase sends us weird food, we have to film ourselves trying it. 

My update:  I was so sad that I was not able to make it to your send off! I was there in spirit. So it looks like a career change is in my VERY VERY near future! (Thank God). That is it,  that's my whole update... I lead a very boring life. I'm actually at work right now, trying to look busy... I think they are buy it too. All this typing is confusing them... I should furrow my brows a bit to make it look like I'm trying to find the solution to a puzzling question. Anyway, miss you! 

We tried to think of funny names for the blog that were puns with your name, but Rich came up with this one and I think its perfect! Since, that is where we came up with this awesome idea, and apparently you really do love brunch!  

Alex :)